“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”

“Once upon a time–of all the good days in the year, on Christmas Eve–old Scrooge sat busy in his counting-house.”

” Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren’t for Christmas
We’d all be Jewish.”

“Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.”

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. ”

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”

“A goose never voted for an early Christmas”

“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.”