Sayings | Quotes

A collection of sarcasm quotes, funny sarcastic remarks and things that you will find handy shredding someone.

Starting the sarcastic list with,

“Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.”

“I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn’t understand me.”

“I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving.”

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
~ Stephen Bishop

“People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.”
~Russel Baker

“History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.”
~Abba Eban

“I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.”

“Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.”
~Samuel Butler

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”
~ Oscar Levant

“A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.”

“The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.”
~ Frank Zappa, But that should be India, compared to which United States’s Law’s are like Stalin’s?

“He was happily married - but his wife wasn’t.”
~ Victor Borge

“If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?”
~ Charles Pierce

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
~ Clarence Darrow

“If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?”
~Cynthia Heimel

“She’s the first in her family born without tail.”

Some Stupid Quotes and Sayings.

“I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.”
~Homer J. Simpson

“Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.”
~Batman costume warning label

“I have opinions of my own — strong opinions –but I don’t always agree with them.”
~George Bush,

“If we don’t succeed we run the risk of failure.”
~Dan Quayle

“It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago”
~ Dan Quayle

“We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
~Dan Quayle

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
~Yogi Berra, But then Yogi Berra Was a different Character altogether.

“I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.”
~ Britney Spears,

“I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.”
~Richard (Dicky) Nixon

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”
~ Brooke Shields

“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
~Lee Iacocca

“Life is very important to Americans.”
~Bob Dole, U.S. Senator from Kansas

“Most of my cliches aren’t original.”
~Chuck Knox,

“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”
~ Bob Dole,

“A verbal contract is not worth the paper it’s written on.”
-Samuel Goldwyn

“We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally.”
~Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

“Don’t pay any attention to the critics–don’t even ignore them”
~Samuel Goldwyn

“Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.”
~ Ivana Trump

“Thank God, I’m still alive.” But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
~ Sen. Barbara Boxer, after the San Fransisco Earthquake

“I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
- Shaquille O’Neal, when asked if he visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

” The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.”
~Dwight Eisenhower

Some Funny Advice Quotes and Sayings …

“Take it easy — but take it.”
~Woody Guthrie

“Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.”
~ Erica Jong

A funny advice by Woody Allen “Just don’t take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.”

“Good advice is always certain to be ignored, but that’s no reason not to give it.”
~Agatha Christie

“To accept good advice is but to increase one’s own ability”
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.”
~Bill Cosby

“She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)”
~Lewis Carroll

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
~Erma Bombeck

“I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.”
~Gloria Steinem

“If I had to give young writers advice, I would say don’t listen to writers talking about writing or themselves.”
~Lillian Hellman

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
~ Napoleon Bonaparte

“Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it.”
~ Publilius Syrus

“Never complain and never explain.”
~ Benjamin Disraeli

“The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.”
~Oscar Wilde

“Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.”
~ Dave Barry

We are Humans and we offer sympathy. We always do, sometimes we express it, sometimes, we don’t but offer we do. We are always moved by someone else’ plight, and we offer sympathy to each other the plight is upon us together. But more often than, we are at a loss when we want to express our sympathy, and we end up saying something stupid like, “I understand”. Truth is you don’t. So we say, I am sorry.

What we have here is a collection of sympathy sayings and quotes that will come in handy, memorize them if you must. And you may also use them in Sympathy Cards, or ecards that you send.

“And you should always know, wherever you may go,
No matter where you are, I will never be far away.”
~ Billy Joel

“There is some danger lest there be no real religion in the heart which craves too much daily sympathy.”
~ Margaret Fuller

“To live in hearts we leave behind Is not to die.” ~Thomas Campbell

“In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing.” ~Robert Ingersoll

“For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity.”
~William Penn

“A human life is a story told by God.”
~Hans Christian Andersen

“Whom the heart of man shuts out, Sometimes the heart of God takes in, And fences them all round about , With silence ‘mid the world’s loud din.”
~ James Russell Lowell

“He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“We pine for kindred natures to mingle with our own.”
~ Mrs. Felicia D. Hemans,

“Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow. ” Robert Louis Stevenson

This are about sympathy..

“Sympathetic people are often uncommunicative about themselves; they give back reflected images which hide their own depths.”
~ George Eliot

“The secrets of life are not shown except to sympathy and likeness.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Truth is the root, but human sympathy is the flower of practical life.”
~ Edwin Hubbell Chapin

“Women have the genius of charity. A man gives but his gold; a woman adds to it her sympathy.”
~ Ernest Wilfrid LeGouve

“No one is perfect… that’s why pencils have erasers. ” Some unknwon author put it so correctly. Here are some perfection Quotes and sayings.

“Perfection is attained by slow degrees; it requires the hand of time.”
~ Voltaire

“A good garden may have some weeds.”
~Thomas Fuller

“The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.”
~George Orwell

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
~Anna Quindlen

“People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it”
~Edith Schaeffer

“Only in grammar can you be more than perfect.”
~William Safire

“The artist who aims at perfection in everything achieves it in nothing.”
~ Eugene Delacroix

“Maybe the most any of us can expect of ourselves isn’t perfection but progress.”
~Michelle Burford,

“The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.”
~Doug Larson

“Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up as unattainable.”
~Lord Chesterfield

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
~Antoine de Saint Exupery

“The pursuit of perfection, then, is the pursuit of sweetness and light.”
~Matthew Arnold

Some Freedom Quotes and Sayings for your mind.

We have freedom but but have have lots to ask for. Lyndon B. Johnson put it best when he said, “Freedom is not enough.”

“They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.”~ Stephen R. Covey

“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” ~ Albert Camus quotes

“He who is brave is free.”~ Seneca quotes

“Freedom is hammered out on the anvil of discussion, dissent, and debate.”~ Hubert H. Humphrey

“My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.”~John F kennedy

“What then is freedom? The power to live as one wishes.”~ Cicero

“The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ” ~Benjamin Franklin

“History does not long entrust the care of freedom to the weak or the timid.”~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

“If you want to be free, there is but one way; it is to guarantee an equally full measure of liberty to all your neighbors. There is no other.”~ Carl Shurz

“Freedom is not a gift bestowed upon us by other men, but a right that belongs to us by the laws of God and nature.” ~Benjamin Franklin

“History does not teach fatalism. There are moments when the will of a handful of free men breaks through determinism and opens up new roads.” ~Charles de Gaulle

“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.”~ Greek philosopher Thucydides

“The patriot’s blood is the seed of Freedom’s tree.” ~Thomas Campbell

“Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.” ~Abraham Lincoln

“Freedom in general may be defined as the absence of obstacles to the realization of desires” ~Bertrand Russell quotes

“Freedom is the last, best hope of earth.”~ Abraham Lincoln

While the State exists there can be no freedom; when there is freedom there will be no State. “~ Vladimir Lenin

“For what avail the plough or sail, or land or life, if freedom fail?” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some Husband Quotes and Husband Sayings,

“There is only one real tragedy in a woman’s life. The fact that her past is always her lover, and her future invariably her husband.” ~Oscar Wilde

“The only way a woman can ever reform her husband is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life” ~Oscar Wilde

My husband’s a director, so he understands what I do.
Sasha Alexander

“The ideal that marriage aims at is that of spiritual union through the physical. The human love that it incarnates is intended to serve as a stepping stone to divine or universal love.”

~ Mohandas K. Gandhi~

If divorce has increased by one thousand percent, don’t blame the women’s movement. Blame the obsolete sex roles on which our marriages were based.
~ Betty Friedan

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain

“When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face.”~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.
Simone de Beauvoir

“My husband said it was him or the cat… I miss him sometimes.” ~Unknown

My husband does so many romantic things for me, it’s absurd.
Jennifer Beals

“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”~Joyce Brothers

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. Groucho Marx

Here is your page on faith quotes.

“Faith makes all things possible…. love makes all things easy.”

“We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is theoretically possible” ~ Faith quote by William James

“He wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat.”~ William Shakespeare

“Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“It’s faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes a life worth living.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible.” ~Stanislaw Lem

” Where hope grows, miracles blossom.” ~Elna Rae

“Faith certainly tells us what the senses do not, but not the contrary of what they see; it is above, not against them. ” ~ Blaise Pascal

“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”~ J. R. R. Tolkien

“The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn’t angry enough. ”

“If you kick a stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot. ”

“Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. ”

“Never strike your wife - even with a flower. ”

“A man is about as big as the things that make him angry”

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.”

This is a saying by Confucious, “When anger rises, think of the consequences”

And this is a saying by Aristotle, “Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.”

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

And, “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”

“Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”

“Life is a succession of moments. To live each one is to succeed.”

“Life is just one damned thing after another.”

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death”

But my most favorite remains this one by James Dean “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.”

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose. “